amazing grace...

shall always be my song of praise. for it was grace, that brought me liberty. i do not know, just why he came to love me so. he looked beyond, all my faults & saw my needs.

have you ever had a day where everythin to go wrong?

obviously

sometimes we want things that may not be right for us. but when you're in love you seem to look over the [O B V i O U S] youre not changin & i know that you love me, but this thing aint going the way i planned...

i thought this guy was different. thought everything would be the all [c o o c h i e CRUNCH] but i guess he will be another NiGGA in my book. i knew he wasnt what i needed mentally, physically and emotionally, let alone spiritually. but i needed this badBOY sexually, and thats why we [C L i C K E D] *sighs* i didnt wanna be hurt again. but im not hurt, because this really doesnt bother me as much as i thought it would *KANYEshrug*

for you i will...

anytime the times get too tough. anytime ya best aint enough. ill be the one to make it better.



so there has been a lot of things going on in my life since the last time i wrote my expressions and feelings on here. my uncle was killed and after that everything went downhill. from school. to my job. to family. even my truck smh.
but im tryna get back on track with this journey i call life...

i gotta thang for you...

for you baby, dont wanna take it slow, i wanna get to know.
dont wanna play no games, listen to what im sayin...


to myCHiPMUNK,

where do i begin? these past 2 months have been nothing but laughter with you. when i thought i would never even [LiKE] a person, here you come along making me laugh and smile. when we're together, we're all we see. ughhh i hate you! lol you got me wide open. dont wanna rush anythin because the [FRiENDSHiP] we have is dope. i mean look at us, we're [twoPRETTYdope] people lol. niggas ive dealt with inna past were whack when i look back at the things that i couldve done a lot differently, but didnt. dont look at it as regrets, just look as it as a way in maturing and growing. learning to let things go, and not caring about anybody but [tresz] but this is hard, i dont wanna fall [A G A i N], just that this [L i K i N G] thing with you is kinda pissin me off! didnt expect to like again. when im with you, i enjoy ya [PRESCENCE], ya company, ya laughter, ya smile. everytime you smile it does something to me. ugh wtf am i gonna do? im not supposed to feel like this at all son. not at all. when i leave you, i feel so sad, miss you even more than when i was with you. its that [COMPLiCATED] and yet its so freakin [S i M P L E] ahhhhhhh and to think that you were the person i turned down so many times before! lol just thinking about that shyt makes me GiGGLE...well only time will tell...

[pe.es] & all these feelings for you that i have i cant hide. people say dont get down w/you but i know how i feel for you...[down&DiRTY]

working on [tresz]

its hard for me to say ima change. because im not, there isnt anything wrong with me, some things i just need to work on. for instance, my attitude is not the best, but it is a lot better than what it was before. i can work on biting my tongue just a little bit more, but thats never gonna change. i have that spunky attitude that has always been with me.

im REAL what more can a person ask for? how much [B L U N T] do ya want me to be? lol
anywho...i just realize and see a lot of things on faceBOOK, twitter, and even in person. people seem to be so concerned about what others may think of them, they change, and try to "FiT" in, but in all actuality theyre not happy with themselves. so they do dumbSHiT and by them doing that, they are making a complete F O O L outta themselves and it pisses me off...that is all...

but all in all, i cannot change them, only they can. today was cool. slept until like 1-ish, then i went to perthAMBOY and then LiNDEN back to perthAMBOY soooo yea lol im type tired drivin all that way lol

&& i start [SCHooL ToMoRRoW] and im type excited...with that being said...GOODNiTE =]

[pe.es] those who bring unnecessary attention to themselves are only upset with who they are as an individual---tresz

aint no need to worry...

what night is gonna bring...it'll be all over...in the morning...

oh how i wished those words were so true. but they arent. i wanna live in my fantasy life so badly, yet, im stuck in reality. my words are merely just letters because i dont know where to turn, or how to take action. yet i hurt, yet i smile, i hurt and i smile some more. i pray, i think before i react, but my anger is soooo much on the verge of doing something so drastic.

the fact that mommy struggles, kills me! if only she knew how much i hurt just because she struggles...just because i dont see her cry, she pretends everything is okay, but inside i know. i know, i feel when shes hurt. the fact that daddy doesnt do shyt hurts me even more. how can you call yaself a man, and dont do what a man is supposed to? when was the last time you paid a bill? washed a dish? treated ya wife to something? i'll wait...

oh please, that nigga is a disgrace, and i hope i never have a husband like that...i want a man who is going to be a man. someone who is willing to be a real man, taking care of his responsibilities, his family, working and providing. someone who is a friend before anything, a husband and a caring father.

i dont understand how people who have it so good. a good loving family, a good job, put themselves in predicaments where they dont appreciate things. it hurts! it hurts! some nights i cry. some nights i dont pay attention to whats around me because the animocity builds up, and i realize that some days, things will not go the way as planned.

some days, i just wanna go back to the days where i didnt have a care in the world. where i didnt have to look over my shoulder, didnt have to pay for anything. and i wish i could go back to the days when my family knew what it really meant to be family! where we werent scattered, we all got along. but i guess all of that goes out the window when you grow up, when you realize that things will never be the same.

i seen a picture of my family from graduation, still then, things werent perfect, but it damn sure felt like it. living my fantasy life in reality form, we all seemed happy. but i wasnt, i didnt get what i wanted that day. i cried on my graduation night because my sister left out the restaurant we were in to go talk on the telephone with her boyfriend instead of spending time with me on my day! ughhhhh why cant things go back to the way they used to be? why cant we all be happy. yet, my heart is still breakin...

*NOTE: graduation june 2007...*

freeMYbrotherFUZZ.....

i miss him so much. he was the only one that knew me like my mother did. he was always there for me no matter what. he kept it real with me no matter what and thats why i love him! all i have of him physically is my nephew. and i love my booka so much, i just wish i could hold my brother one more time! i havent hugged my brother in almost a year! i laugh, i joke, i speak to him, but his presence and his touch is something that i need in my life right now. he was more like a father figure in my life than my own father...i love you brother with everything i have, everything thats mine, everything i am!

well. ima stop here because im over here boo hoo crying, running nose & all that other crap...
they say god is not gonna put no more on you than you can bare...*sighs*

it'll be all over...in the morning....

my conscience is fuckin with me...

so ive came to a conclusion that on 12.12.09 i made a bad mistake by kissin this friend of mine whom ive liked since 1.24.09. like hes always made an attempt to get with me, but ive always had a boyfriend lol and now that neither one of us are in a relationship, we're just cool. we chill, we laugh, we joke, all those things friends do...


on 12.17.09 at my birthday celebration, we took a picture together, and he kissed me. & boy oh boy did people black. they speculated like crazy. im just like wtf? like why are you ridin mySACK? and i really dont have a cock lol but im just sayin hopOFFmySWAGGGGGGGGGGGG that is all...

*NOTE: the pictures everyone kept talking about, theres a video also lol*


this picture was a part of the video. dancing to dj wallah's hit it to the beat lol

but this shawty that he had...shes literally pissing me off, and shes bout to make the beast come out lol. i mean its like whats the point of you askin me all these questions if youre not gettin any answers from me nor him? and i mean he aint my boyfriend, but ive learned "you snooze you loose" lol

like im just not understanding this situation at all! i wanna answer so badly...
im just confused because im not understanding this whole situation, i feel like im inna middle of it all even though really im not because shes not really a friend, more like an associate. idk, i feel as though i need to leave him alone until he gets his baggage situation lol but until then, still [LEMMEfreakingBEAT] lol



like dont call me ya freakin BOOSKiE or BOO or whatever if im nothing but just a friend with relations. maybe im overanalyzing this situation a lil too much, but something has to give...but today really did it for me. like he's myCHiPMUNK so im not understanding whats the problem. lemme pray before i react inna way i really dont wanna...