you dont need no one else...

so i havent wrote a blog since 6.16.09...smh this is outrageous. there has been so much goin on. i guess ive been contemplating for so long that i wasnt even thinkin of writing a blog although i had so many damn emotions running inside and out of me.

as im sippin on this sprite soda & its this one song that i cant get out of my mind! lol i can smack my boyfriend for gettin me hooked. but this song is mad [b a n g i n] for once there is a song that [me&him] can both relate to by a "new artist". cuz some of these songs like [stanky leg] & halle berry & that dumb [RiCKY BOBBY] are jus merely a symbolization of hip hop at its lowest. yes music is a way of expression. but all you need now is a bangin hook & a stupid dance & u got yaself a r e c o r d [deal]! yay! whoopdy doo...

so as i was layin on my boyfriends bed monday around noon, he made me listen to this song "sooner than later" by drake. yes the same person who plays jimmy brooks on [d e g r a s s i] one of my favorite late night shows. but anywho, i was thinkin to myself, why does this nigga want me to listen to this song? lol so the song comes on, and the beat automatically pulls me in. as the song is playin and im listentin to the words, my eyes started to water & my heart fluttered with ambivalent feelings because i thought i was on the verge of losing it. just because me and him had a lil fall out doesnt mean ish. we're human, we disagree, but then we laugh about it afterwards & act like nothing ever happened lol. funny---yet, its true.

*note: i wanted to punch him for takin pics of me while drivin. but they came out cute so i dont care anymore*

i, the sloski can only speak for the things that i've been through. so when you tell me you understand, you dont. and when you say you feel my pain, you dont. & when you tell me u can relate, you cant. because you have not walked a day in my shoes. you have not fought the fights that i've encountered over my lifetime. you have not cried the many tears that i, the sloski have. and when you think you have came to a conclusion about something....i will tell you know now that anything that you try, you will FAiL.

[pe.es] it has been said that [h a t e r s] only hate the things that they cant get and the people they cant be. now [h a t e r s] wanna play hard. i wont pretend to be mad. ima just disregard you like my memory's bad =]

where do you stand? because i have his heart forever!

so it has already been stated that I, the sloski will never be replaced nor will i let any other female take my place. after a lil argument with my boyfriend, [and this kinda sorta bein our first REAL argument], ive decided to take a long time and think about what was bein put in front of me. why was i so upset? so angry? i wanted to smack him. i didnt want her around. so what happened? i forgave not only myself but for her actions. i figured i have to be the bigger person. and no one can be responsible for my actions and thoughts but me. although i love him dearly i still need mutual respect from his friends as well as my friends for the relationship that i have with him [myBOYFRiEND].

i felt as though that this situation had an opportunity to break up my happy home. that this chick had the opportunity to get what was ALL MINE! i aint gon front, cuz thats not what i do, but i was scared! i was so scared that i cried. I cried because just the thought of me and him not together hurts the heck outta me! so after finally comin to a conclusion of LETTIN ISH GO, and realizin where i stand, but also realizin THE LOVE <3 that we have for each other, i just let it all go out the window.

so this smile that you see in these pictures, dont let it fool you. if you try so much to even test my patience, i swear you will be in for a rude awakening. that goes for FEMALES & MALES. he is something that i dont ever wanna lose. this is someone who i truly truly care for and he will even tell you that ima crazy chick!

i will NOT ever in my life again feel the way i did, let alone cry the way i did all because of someone's stupidity and my jealousy for just a mere moment. i will not let ANYONE and i mean ANYONE try to ruin my relationship besides those 2 [me & him] in the relationship. & i highly doubt that that will even happen because we plan to ride until the wheels fall off =] btw all the rest of these other people dont matter to me.

&& to yall haters, i pay yall no mind, in fact ima give it to you one more time like...

I WILL ALWAYS BE HIS SLOSKI <3

[pe.es] "a winner makes commitment. a loser makes promises."

-anonymous

& baby i am committed to you. ily<3

should i leave? should i stay? should i go?

so ive been sittin here for about an hour tryna eat this lil behind cheeseburger from checkers. & drinkin this huge cup of fruit punch with a teeny tiny straw because they dont have any "normal" straws lol. but ive failed. i have a couple of bites left. and my mind is so disabled at this current moment that i dont even know what to think anymore. i dont want my emotions to get the best of me. but i love him so much that i dont wanna lose him over stupidity on my behalf. so whats left to do?

should i turn right? should i turn left? go straight ahead? or back all the way up from where i first found u?

my stomach is currently doin flips and turns. my mind is incarcerated, my heart is in p i e c e s and my body is n u m b.

so while talkin to my best friend [RiCKY] i bought myself back to sept. 26, '08 where i first knew this was right. see no one knows too much of where ive been and what ive been through to be in the place of comfort that i am currently in. but is it comfort when i dont even know how to retaliate? how to make my point without gettin him upset? so as im talkin to the best friend, ive realized that this boyfriend of mine has always been a friend to me. he has always been there for me, to comfort me, to console me, to make me laugh, to chill with and whatnot when my "boyfriend" at that time never had the opportunity to. so you can say i fell in love with him.

after finally givin into someone, i was happy with, more than content. probably more of an estatic feeling. because i had someone who i deserved, but more importantly he deserved me. as time progressed, we both realized that we were the [l i n k s] to each other's chains.

so why is it that i feel as though that i need to leave? that i might need to take a break from all of this? there arent any problems between us. but today something didnt jus feel right. movies with him was GREAT. but the emotional side of me came to par afterwards. jealous maybe? i have not a clue, although i do know where i S T A N D with him, i tend to fall off track. i shouldnt feel like this because its him who tells me he loves me. let alone when we're together female dogs get mad, and niggas seem to get more mad than the chicks. besides, it is him who cares for me. it is him that I gave up a hopeless, frustrating and annoying relationship for [myself as well] but it was HE who made me realize all that i deserved. in the words of my baby "you are mad emotional bay". lol

but you know what...im not gonna leave. im not gonna go. im not gonna back down.

i told him i would RIDE until the WHEELS FALL OFF, and that is what im gonna do.

people just wanna see us apart cuz we got that many haters.

baby, you are my everythin. you are my smiles, my laughter, my joy. you are even my screams when i yell at you just because you do act stupid at times. i love you for everythin that you are to me. you are my best friend, my boyfriend and someone i want to continue to grow with. baby you have always been there for me, and you have never been the one to turn ya back on me so im not gonna do it to you because of "some way" that i felt a little while ago. nothing is going to break us apart unless it is us two together. i dont know what this feeling is that i have, but i hope that it surpasses because i cant stand to feel this way knowing that i am yours and only yours. you will always be my baby no matter what goes on. although things may get a little hectic between us with my [attitudes & short tempers] i love you because you accept me whole heartedly as a person [f l a w s && a l l] but more importantly i love you because its not easy lovin someone like me =]

do you remember "i am in love with how i love u"?

your letter will always be close to my <3

[pe.es] We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. -anonymous

when will others realize that ive matured?

what im about to write, i find it interestin as ever. ive always been the type to forgive someone regardless of what they did to me. and if they were family, ive learned to love them from a [hujumboganic] super [d i s t a n c e] because there is so much i can take as a human being.

jus like everyone else S L O S K I has feelings as well =]

have u ever had that one person who u considered something so special in ya life? like theyre ya brother or sister from another? or maybe even ya cousin? and then they do somethin so damn drastic that u have no choice but to let them go? ive had so many people in and out my life. and not once as anyone had the nerve to say that they were sorry for what they did. but i was always the one apologizin and blamin myself for everythin when i know that any type of relationship whether friends, family, significant other consists of 2 people.

yes thats right i said 2. two. dos. deux.

i was always & i do mean always the type to be cool with everybody. even if we had an altercation, by the end of the week, we would be cool. but there are jus sometimes when we jus mature and we leave certain things alone. well in this situation, ive matured. i guess ive matured so much more than those who ive graduated high school with. but its cool i guess times have changed. in this case, i had the chance to mature more than him despite the fact that he went away to college.

so the scenario goes a lil suttin like this...hit it [lol]

there was this guy i considered suttin like a brother. i had known him since like 6th grade & we were cool. we had few arguments only cuz he used to take soooooo much ish out of proportion. but to make a long story short. ive matured, while he's still on his kiddie ish. so this morning like 1a or something, we were chillin at the waterfront [me, my locky, smoove, hotdog, stylez, & batman] just coolin.

*NOTE: i would definitely rather hang w/dudes cuz female DOGS run their mouths 2 much*

anyway....dude name is ALEX & he kept textin me. so i called him to tell him im busy, i would hit him later. he got mad as H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STiCKS & said "ever since u been messin wit this DREAD HEADED NiGGA, youve been actin different."

ARF??? WTF did this nigga jus say?

WTH does myLOCKY have to do with me actin the way i do? nothin has changed. if im BUSY then im BUSY. case closed right? WRONG!

this nigga alex had the audacity to say some bull like he dont give an EFF if im busy or not & then tol myLOCKY to SMD. Yes, thats right you guys, he told him to SUCK HIS DXCK. so i told that nigga, you are GAY as ever. nigga aint wanna hear it afterwards. like are you serious? youre 20 yrs old and STILL sayin SMD? to my knowledge this nigga have [GRANDE COJONES] via text msgs. but in person he's completely diff. not beat, but he got the WRONG GWALA =]

so where do i go after hearin some BULL like that? i do absoultely nothing because i do not need to STOOP down to his level to make my point, when i can clearly ignore him & that just "pisses" him off altogether. im assuming that alex clearly doesnt understand the true meaning of being busy, let alone the meaning of maturing? because i dont see what was so damn hard about saying "ok ima hit you back?" or even "aite, just hit me when you done." those answers would have been more appreciated than the attitude.

so i dont feed into anyone's bull unless its my own. i am on another effin l e v e l that most females cant even climb to. my demands are more g r e a t e r than those of your own. & i only roll with niggas who i know aint gonna leave me hanging. unlike most niggas ive graduated with, ive learned to let s h y t go because in the end, you prolly wont even matter to them. i am not the type to s u r r o u n d myself with stupid, arrogant, ignorant, & immature people.

i guess no one will understand that ive matured except for me----FOR NOW.

But until they realize that I am a changed person, i will keep myself distant from them. on that note...

"one of the reasons why mature people stop learning is that they become less and less willing to risk failure." -john w. gardner

[pe.es] some people were not meant to be in my d e s t i n y & you just have to accept it because i definitely did =]

true colors?

the saying "people will start to change once the summer hits," is kinda true. however, it doesn't take a season for a person to change. people change all the time, friends, family, whoever. but me personally, in the words of jay-z "i'll never change, im too stuck in my ways," applies to me in more ways than one. i was never the type to change for anyone, changin for myself is different. but to change in order to "be down" or things of that nature, never occured to me. so i sit here lookin at all the friends i've lost, all the people ive let go and learned to love them from a distance no matter how much they've hurt me in the past. i cannot try and be the "peacemaker' as much as before although sometimes it may help, but i've came to a conclusion that if a person in my life whom i love wants to leave. by all means, be my guest. but like mommy says, "that person will need you before you need them."