should i leave? should i stay? should i go?

so ive been sittin here for about an hour tryna eat this lil behind cheeseburger from checkers. & drinkin this huge cup of fruit punch with a teeny tiny straw because they dont have any "normal" straws lol. but ive failed. i have a couple of bites left. and my mind is so disabled at this current moment that i dont even know what to think anymore. i dont want my emotions to get the best of me. but i love him so much that i dont wanna lose him over stupidity on my behalf. so whats left to do?

should i turn right? should i turn left? go straight ahead? or back all the way up from where i first found u?

my stomach is currently doin flips and turns. my mind is incarcerated, my heart is in p i e c e s and my body is n u m b.

so while talkin to my best friend [RiCKY] i bought myself back to sept. 26, '08 where i first knew this was right. see no one knows too much of where ive been and what ive been through to be in the place of comfort that i am currently in. but is it comfort when i dont even know how to retaliate? how to make my point without gettin him upset? so as im talkin to the best friend, ive realized that this boyfriend of mine has always been a friend to me. he has always been there for me, to comfort me, to console me, to make me laugh, to chill with and whatnot when my "boyfriend" at that time never had the opportunity to. so you can say i fell in love with him.

after finally givin into someone, i was happy with, more than content. probably more of an estatic feeling. because i had someone who i deserved, but more importantly he deserved me. as time progressed, we both realized that we were the [l i n k s] to each other's chains.

so why is it that i feel as though that i need to leave? that i might need to take a break from all of this? there arent any problems between us. but today something didnt jus feel right. movies with him was GREAT. but the emotional side of me came to par afterwards. jealous maybe? i have not a clue, although i do know where i S T A N D with him, i tend to fall off track. i shouldnt feel like this because its him who tells me he loves me. let alone when we're together female dogs get mad, and niggas seem to get more mad than the chicks. besides, it is him who cares for me. it is him that I gave up a hopeless, frustrating and annoying relationship for [myself as well] but it was HE who made me realize all that i deserved. in the words of my baby "you are mad emotional bay". lol

but you know what...im not gonna leave. im not gonna go. im not gonna back down.

i told him i would RIDE until the WHEELS FALL OFF, and that is what im gonna do.

people just wanna see us apart cuz we got that many haters.

baby, you are my everythin. you are my smiles, my laughter, my joy. you are even my screams when i yell at you just because you do act stupid at times. i love you for everythin that you are to me. you are my best friend, my boyfriend and someone i want to continue to grow with. baby you have always been there for me, and you have never been the one to turn ya back on me so im not gonna do it to you because of "some way" that i felt a little while ago. nothing is going to break us apart unless it is us two together. i dont know what this feeling is that i have, but i hope that it surpasses because i cant stand to feel this way knowing that i am yours and only yours. you will always be my baby no matter what goes on. although things may get a little hectic between us with my [attitudes & short tempers] i love you because you accept me whole heartedly as a person [f l a w s && a l l] but more importantly i love you because its not easy lovin someone like me =]

do you remember "i am in love with how i love u"?

your letter will always be close to my <3

[pe.es] We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. -anonymous