and it kills me...

to know how much i really love you.

so much i wanna ooo ooo ooo...

to you hoo hoo

[it kills me by melanie fiona]

i actually learned that song in a day. when melanie fiona's video aired on 106andpark that day, i was literally in tears by the end of the video. those of you who do not know the video or the song, please listen to it. her cd comes out november 2nd i believe.

the song is so deep. and it means so much to me, especially with all im going through right now. im [B A F F L E D] to the point where my body is still numb from those words he spoke. i still wanna be held by him. i wanna kiss his lips. i wanna see him smile, and i wanna be able to tell him how much i love him [F A C EtoF A C E] but it seems as if that isnt gonna happen, because i died once the word [S E P A R A T E D] was spoken. i cannot take this pain. the illusions were apart of something that once was. ugh god this is outrageous i have no reason to live it seems.

i wrote something a lil while ago that reads...

it kills me to the point where my body is still numb from those words you spoke.
it kills me because i love you so much yet, i have an urge to wanna leave for good.
it kills me because the other part of me still believes in the love and bond we share.
where do i go with this? should i do something drastic to see how he'll react to my love? i wanna be his baby, i wanna have his baby. i wanna spend the rest of my life with him. i dont wanna let go, and i hate the test that we're going through because this whole ordeal baffles the hell outta me. i cant bare this pain, its unbareable. the stress can sometimes be a killer. i miss him more and more each second that passes. each minute that goes by. each day that i dont get a chance to talk or spend time with him hurts, but im the one to blame. i got so immune to giving my all, when he slacked. i got immune to loving him so much, that he didnt always meet me half way. why does it kills me? why do i love him so much? why does love hurt so badly? why does it feel like my feelings arent being known by him? i feel like a dummy, thinking it was different...come back because this pain i feel is killing me softly...

it kills me to know how much i really love you...

i dont know where to turn right now.

i dont know what to do.

my mind is blank. my actions are on the verge of being so drastic.

that i dont think i would care about the outcome later.

i hate how much i love him. i cant stand how much i need him.

damn i wished i had my ipod. niggas are TRiFE. someone owes me a new ipod.

anywho

i cant stand the fact not speaking to him.

i cant stand missin him so much that it makes me cry.

i cant stand the fact that i cannot be feeling like this again =[

they say ima sucka for love.

but good love, i am a sucka for.

this song also reminds me of RL's good love<3<3

i could count the lovers that i had. and all of those relationships gone bad.

i wanna thank you for loving me and showing me love.

i was just a boy and not a man. & falling deep in love was not the plan.

baby because of you and what you do.

you make me a [goodMAN]

i can literally hear his voice telling me this things, because he has told me before.

but this feeling i canNOT and will NOT take much longer.

i just wished everything was back to NORMAL.

omg both songs brings me to tears everytime i see the video or hear the song.

i wanna do a youtube for both videos. i wanna sing, but i dont wanna cry. i know ima cry lol

its not that im so emotional, but then again maybe i am. but its the fact that i love this guy so damn much.

i want the laughs.

the smiles. the tears.

all of the joy, and all the hugs and kisses.

i want him to grab me from behind and hold me tightly

and say those words "baby i love you" or "i missed you so much"

the thing about this guy, is that i never thought i would fall in love [AGAiN]

especially since ive been hurt so many times before.

i was vulnerable after breaking up with my ex, but i was SURE&&READY to be in a relationship with him because he was all i wanted, all i deserved, all i needed.

my love isnt for anyone but HiM and it will be like that for ETERNiTY!

its all because of you you you you you...

youre the reason ive given love another chance.

the reason why i love you. the reason why i smile.

the reason why ive accepted change, the reason why i worked on my attitude

& why im STiLL trying to gain patience.

i refuse to end on bad terms, and i refuse to have him out my life completely.

that shyt will KiLLme to the point where life will really be worthless.

i was told at one point LOVE is the Loss Of Valuable Energy

but when i started messing with him, all of that energy that i loss, came back

sorta destined i guess?

it seems like i have everything...

good health, going to school, working, a loving and supporting family, but without you...

there is no me. i dont wanna be lonely. i want you. i cant even pretend that i have everything

because in all ACTUALiTY, i have nothing because you are apart of me baby.

without you...my life is incomplete
[sisqo]

ugh...to work i go...even thought i dont feel like it. but i thank god for my job.

i just want all of those feelings back...

i cried while writing this.

just doesnt go to show how much i care, but how much i really love you.

its like the feelings never left, but i want you HERE with me PHYSiCALLy.

emotionally im drained.

i just need you.

i want you.

i love you.

just gimme my baby....

*NOTE: there are no pictures because even the pictures make me cry*

[pe.es] "you may not be perfect in many things...but many things cannot be perfect without you"---anonymous