no resolutions..

the new year is comin and im not plannin on doing much. resolutions are whack. theyre like promises...if you can keep them, then whats the point? seems like ive lost so much this year!

oh em gee...i have the weirdest shyt going on in my life right now...

secret love by kelly price is playin right now as i type this blog =]
i love this song, i love REAL music....
i MiSS REAL MUSiC....

this bull crap they play on the radio is WHACK!

i cant hide the way im feeling [i N S i D E] the pain is killin me cuz i wanna let the world know its you im [L O V i N]

people are gettin a lil outta hand...ex boyfriends are ridiculous...friends are jerks. associates are even bigger ones. family is still the same...lovin and supportin me unconditionally!

ugh i need to update my ipod because my old ipod somebody stole...and 188 songs on there so far isnt gonna do a damn thing for me lol

christmas was ok, i cried...this is the FiRST christmas EVER that ive been away from my brother...and it kills me...effs me up deep inside...to the point where i wanted nothing, wanted to take all gifts back, wanted to cry all day and lay in a fetal position in my bed in the dark!

so where do i go from here? 2009 has been nothin but hell for me well at least sometimes..

i lost my brother due to someone else's stupidity. i fell in love quickly, fell out of it slowly. i lost my best friend due to the love. got into a car accident & STiLL suffer back pains from it. drove from maryland for the first time. i cut my hair! learned that some friendships are not meant to be broken [tink & shake] *tears* and those that disappeared were never meant to be. learned that everyone is NOT my FRiEND once again....& majority of those people are people that ive known for years and years. i guess they say its true when you NEVER really know a person =[

my heart ♥ got broken...my ex boyfriends want me back. im tired of it all! i cant hide from my feelings anymore, but im over the "boyfriend" thing. if it happens, it does. but not anytime soon. more focused on makin [tresz]™ happy =] there are girls that dont like me...dudes dont like me...and this is over people i dont even go with lol idk im not worried...just tell em why you mad son? lol oh yea & i gave a [F R i E N D S H i P] a chance with someone who i paid no M i N D too! glad i did what i did, cuz i cherish his friendship with everything we share & i mean everything from the laughs, layin on his chest while we watch tv, hugs, and enjoying his company PERiOD.

its out in the [O P E N] our cover is [B L O W N] && i dont care who really knows...

awwwww you're mad?---theres an app for that!

& yes those are my REAL eyeLASHES ; -)

what hurts the most...

is letting go. i just want you to know that i love you so...

listening to alotta love songs. thinking and comtemplatin so much that i cause myself to have headaches! ahhhhhhh ughhhhhhhhhh *sighs*

so these past 3 and a 1/2 weeks have been nothing but sleepless nights. fighting and arguing with just about everybody. ahhhhh but im on the way back to being my OLDself! when things didnt matter to me and neither did people if i knew they aint give a flying fig bout me...

school is outta control...my english teacher wants the most work done! and it is outrageous. i have so many projects to do and stuff that this makes me just think about how much more work ima have to put in next semester...oh boy...i am not gonna have a life AGAiN! lol

btw im thinkin bout movin downsouth...maybe after christmas/before the new year. or maybe after the spring semester is over with. i need a new change, a new environment...or maybe i just need a vacation! lol

so on 11.18.09 i wrote a poem that depicts on what i was going through...

what hurts the most...

what hurts the most is...letting go.

but this time it doesnt hurt me at all.

ya wanted me out ya life. so there you go.

ya lies...everything youve said...now out the window.

our friendship was supposed to be so much more than that.

never friends i suppose? you will always have a special place in my heart.

but this shyt...i gotta let it burn.

i couldnt keep waiting around, and after 3 weeks..thats too much time.

especially for the love we had.

so im happy for you and i wish you the best of luck in all ya endeavors.

what we had was special.

didnt mean what i said when i was angry.

i enjoyed all the times with you both good and bad.

i stuck with you through it all.

but what hurts the most, is realizing i just lost my best friend.

i dont understand the whole situation, so i guess ima just think some more pray some more & love some more...

[pe.es] ima make this list and i hope the good outweighs the bad just so i can see the outcome =]

to be continued...

you got me waitin...

but i cant keep waitin on you....



all i want is a definite answer because i cant take this no more.

i refuse to accept "friendship"

cuz thats not me. thats not us...

this cant be life. this cant be love. this cant be life. theres gotta be more. this cant be us.---jay z

i cant keep waiting on someone who isnt willing to be there for me. someone who contradicts his words with his actions. everything that ive been through...everything we've been through. i dont know...this is gonna take a lot of thinkin and shyt...

to be continued...

and it kills me...

to know how much i really love you.

so much i wanna ooo ooo ooo...

to you hoo hoo

[it kills me by melanie fiona]

i actually learned that song in a day. when melanie fiona's video aired on 106andpark that day, i was literally in tears by the end of the video. those of you who do not know the video or the song, please listen to it. her cd comes out november 2nd i believe.

the song is so deep. and it means so much to me, especially with all im going through right now. im [B A F F L E D] to the point where my body is still numb from those words he spoke. i still wanna be held by him. i wanna kiss his lips. i wanna see him smile, and i wanna be able to tell him how much i love him [F A C EtoF A C E] but it seems as if that isnt gonna happen, because i died once the word [S E P A R A T E D] was spoken. i cannot take this pain. the illusions were apart of something that once was. ugh god this is outrageous i have no reason to live it seems.

i wrote something a lil while ago that reads...

it kills me to the point where my body is still numb from those words you spoke.
it kills me because i love you so much yet, i have an urge to wanna leave for good.
it kills me because the other part of me still believes in the love and bond we share.
where do i go with this? should i do something drastic to see how he'll react to my love? i wanna be his baby, i wanna have his baby. i wanna spend the rest of my life with him. i dont wanna let go, and i hate the test that we're going through because this whole ordeal baffles the hell outta me. i cant bare this pain, its unbareable. the stress can sometimes be a killer. i miss him more and more each second that passes. each minute that goes by. each day that i dont get a chance to talk or spend time with him hurts, but im the one to blame. i got so immune to giving my all, when he slacked. i got immune to loving him so much, that he didnt always meet me half way. why does it kills me? why do i love him so much? why does love hurt so badly? why does it feel like my feelings arent being known by him? i feel like a dummy, thinking it was different...come back because this pain i feel is killing me softly...

it kills me to know how much i really love you...

i dont know where to turn right now.

i dont know what to do.

my mind is blank. my actions are on the verge of being so drastic.

that i dont think i would care about the outcome later.

i hate how much i love him. i cant stand how much i need him.

damn i wished i had my ipod. niggas are TRiFE. someone owes me a new ipod.

anywho

i cant stand the fact not speaking to him.

i cant stand missin him so much that it makes me cry.

i cant stand the fact that i cannot be feeling like this again =[

they say ima sucka for love.

but good love, i am a sucka for.

this song also reminds me of RL's good love<3<3

i could count the lovers that i had. and all of those relationships gone bad.

i wanna thank you for loving me and showing me love.

i was just a boy and not a man. & falling deep in love was not the plan.

baby because of you and what you do.

you make me a [goodMAN]

i can literally hear his voice telling me this things, because he has told me before.

but this feeling i canNOT and will NOT take much longer.

i just wished everything was back to NORMAL.

omg both songs brings me to tears everytime i see the video or hear the song.

i wanna do a youtube for both videos. i wanna sing, but i dont wanna cry. i know ima cry lol

its not that im so emotional, but then again maybe i am. but its the fact that i love this guy so damn much.

i want the laughs.

the smiles. the tears.

all of the joy, and all the hugs and kisses.

i want him to grab me from behind and hold me tightly

and say those words "baby i love you" or "i missed you so much"

the thing about this guy, is that i never thought i would fall in love [AGAiN]

especially since ive been hurt so many times before.

i was vulnerable after breaking up with my ex, but i was SURE&&READY to be in a relationship with him because he was all i wanted, all i deserved, all i needed.

my love isnt for anyone but HiM and it will be like that for ETERNiTY!

its all because of you you you you you...

youre the reason ive given love another chance.

the reason why i love you. the reason why i smile.

the reason why ive accepted change, the reason why i worked on my attitude

& why im STiLL trying to gain patience.

i refuse to end on bad terms, and i refuse to have him out my life completely.

that shyt will KiLLme to the point where life will really be worthless.

i was told at one point LOVE is the Loss Of Valuable Energy

but when i started messing with him, all of that energy that i loss, came back

sorta destined i guess?

it seems like i have everything...

good health, going to school, working, a loving and supporting family, but without you...

there is no me. i dont wanna be lonely. i want you. i cant even pretend that i have everything

because in all ACTUALiTY, i have nothing because you are apart of me baby.

without you...my life is incomplete
[sisqo]

ugh...to work i go...even thought i dont feel like it. but i thank god for my job.

i just want all of those feelings back...

i cried while writing this.

just doesnt go to show how much i care, but how much i really love you.

its like the feelings never left, but i want you HERE with me PHYSiCALLy.

emotionally im drained.

i just need you.

i want you.

i love you.

just gimme my baby....

*NOTE: there are no pictures because even the pictures make me cry*

[pe.es] "you may not be perfect in many things...but many things cannot be perfect without you"---anonymous

seems like...

everyone i love is slowly fadin or disappearin from me & im soooo not feelin it.
first my brother...and i miss him every seconds of the day, all 24 hours, all 7 days.
nothin can stop the bond me and him share. thats my best friend to the end.
i have a closer relationship with him than my sister. i love him so much!
it hurts for him not being here with me physically everyday like he was.
in due time all of this will end.

i just dont get why people cannot understand why they mean so much to me?
i mean all my life, well as long as i can remember, is i always had a hard time expressin myself.
a hard time expressin my emotions like everyone else.

some cry, some weep, some moan...

but i was just different, there was weirdness...strange ways...

& im almost 20 years old, and nothing has really changed.

i went to my cousin's baby shower today. she looks happy.

im happy the way my life is right now, minus the mishappenings here and there.

but kids arent on my agenda right now.

my godbrother [PiSSED] me the eff off a little while ago when he told me i cant have a baby?

ARFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF? PARDON? EXCUSE ME? COME AGAIN? JUST SAY WHAT YOU JUST SAID ONCE MORE FOR ME...

no one said anything when he had a baby in high school years ago.

i mean, no one told you that you couldnt have a baby!

so why would you tell me something like that?

that just pissed me off.

well gonna go pick myBABy up from work...

work hard, play tough, rewarded in the end...

so this week has been tough, but this weekend has be tougher! thursday starts my weekend, and i didnt feel good at all. between the weather and travelin back and forth to school and stuff. its tiring. i guess my body was tired from runnin. this week i received an B+ for my civilizations essay, & a B- for my social problems essay..hard work pays off. even tho my mom thinks i do absolutely NOTHiN but stay on aim, facebook & chat all day and night long lol

FRiDAY came and went.

woke up early to take jodi to meineke. lady rammed into the back of my truck in august. and they thought she only did minor damage to the bummer but in all reality she messed the middle of my truck up to the end of the truck [underneath] including body work. i was supposed to go to the metropolitan musuem for my civilizations class but that never happened. she cancelled the class cuz she had a meetin to go to so now we have to go there NEXT WEEK! oh yea & i got my hair done just the way i said...i like it =]

*NOTE: i was not usin the toliet. i was jus sittin on it. the bathroom is like my only privacy*

SATURDAY...

myMOMMy left me along w/the nephews & my sister for the weekend for the [RACE FOR THE CURE WALK] in BALTiMORE for breast cancer. my family does it annually together w/theBALTiMORE crew =] this year i couldnt make it =[

i had a social problems essay to revise. a 6-12 pg book analysis for my psychology class on "whatever happened to daddy's little girl" by jonetta rose barras & i have a midterm comin up on tuesday -_-

i went to myBOYFRiENDs goddaugthers birthday party. shes a cutie patutie =] it feels good to be accepted into the family of [mySiGNiFiCANTother] i love his family just like i love mine altho i havent met everyone just yet. i had a WONDERFUL DAY & NiGHT with myLOCKy!

SUNDAY...

it is currently rainin and has been rainin for the pass couple of days now. i hate gloomy weather cuz all i wanna do is sleep! and i have things to do today. im gonna go to church in a lil while. unless i fall back to sleep or something. no one called me soooo yea lol gonna revise my essay tonite before i completely give up on it lol

follow me on...

[twitter.com/hissloski]

yessssssss i know im supposed to be studying and shyt. but im into the awards lol

didnt see my boo trey songz...waitin to see him when it comes back on at 12...then goin to sleep

buttttttttttttttttttttt...

so im supposed to be doing a psychology quiz online for extra credit. but my head is really bothering me. it itches so badly. i dont think i can wait until saturday to get my hair done. lol
im thinking about a sewn in with straight hair like how i had for my thanksgiving/my birthday last year. i havent had straight hair since april [other than right now]

i just dont have the time to sit down for about 4 hours for braids/kinky twists or anything of that nature lol

so im going back and forth doing this quiz for extra credit. i have to finish well retype my english essay...ugh i so hate this professor. he makes me furious! he's beyond sarcastic...he curses so much in one sentence...and thats so unprofessional!

guess ima finish his shyt during my break tomorrow. i gotta 8a class tomorrow...and im sleepy.

i finished my psych quiz...and only answered 3 questions lol blame it on me not gettin any sleep!

& booka is STILL UP! ughhhh gonna try & put him to sleep...until next time...

[pe.es] "sometimes we hurt the ones that never have any intention on hurtin us, but then we end up bein the most hurt of them all...grrrrr"---sloski

feels like im in crazy competition with the past

...thats why i gotta ask...is anythin im doin brandnew?

ugh the reason why i have been feeling so damn down is because???

i have everythin i want, need and desire in a boyfriend but most importantly, a best friend.

why do i feel like this? is it because we dont see each other as much because our schedules are a conflict?

i find myself talkin to other people via phone or text messaging
but then i find myself talkin to other male friends all of the conversations are DEAD!
feels like im trying to hard sometimes to keep him happy and satisfied. yet i dont wanna miss him too much..even though thats what i end up doing at the end.

is anything im doing brandnew?

in past relationships, i was the one ALWAYS giving my ALL.

no one was willing to meet me half way.

no one was fully acknowledging the fact that a relationship was a [TWOwaySTREET] either.

love isnt all that blind.

and neither is it all that complicated.

ive gotten immune to this feeling of being fully loved by him.

immune to the talks, the play fights, being in his arms, kissin him regardless of who's around.

even him tellin on me when i get outta hand lol

but most of all, when he says i love you and mean it!

is anything im doing brandnew?

this here is suttin personal. i highly doubt this feeling is reversible. knowledge is apart of pain & boy it hurts to know...

i cant even find, the perfect brush so i cant paint whats going through my mind.

racing against myself but ima couple steps behind.

thats why i gotta ask...is anything thing im doing brandnew?

i guess being appreciated for one is brandnew

and having someone who feels the same way about me like i do them

but all in all it STILL feels like its something missin from this ordeal

like theres something that im not doing right and its just causing me to over analyze things.

maybe im wrong about this whole situation.

but it feels as if im trying to be better than who i was in my past relationship

to keep [HiM] satisfied

to keep me believing that there's something missin.

something im doing wrong.

i so wished that i knew what this feeling really is.

or even how it came about.

i can truly say that i love this guy with everything that i have.

i appreciate everything that he does for me even the little things

but this feeling of me missing something is beyond crazy

i have never felt like this not even once since ive been with him

ughhhh the things that love makes you do and say or even feel

is beyond my imagination, its beyond my thoughts.

dont even know how im gonna pull this one together, but eventually, i will.

what i love the most about this guy...is that he's always been a friend first before anything!

on my way to pick up my baby now just so we can eat brownies together =]

yea ima loser so what!

but the best feeling is knowing that im his one and only loser

[pe.es] mission accomplished

---the feeling is gone!

how many of us have them...friends?

fabolous said it the best...
"a thug changes and love changes and best friends become strangers, pachangas pa-pa-pachangas , pa-pa-pachangas "---pachangas

there's these 2 girls ive known since freshman year of high school.

2003 was when i first met them.

and over the summer, ive stopped talkin to them

i felt our friendship dyin.

as if the knife i stabbed them with, i turned on myself and killed myself for a moment.

i didnt know what to do, i didnt know what to say.

i was going thru soooo much between my own relationships with those i call my relatives

and on top of that i had my own problems.

i couldnt stand to be around anyone, cuz i was being so anti social.

i wanted everythin to go my way.

if it wasnt gonna happen my way then i didnt want it to happen at all.

so finally we made up after a couple of weeks of bein separated.

we decided to go to webster hall 9.24.09 & boy oh boy we had so much fun.

what happens at WEBSTER HALL stays at WEBSTER HALL =]

from the strippers. to the stalkers.

to the 2 niggas that were arguin to dance wit me

the drunk dudes in the basement lol

i had a fun night.

not to mention because of SHAKIE we missed the first train back to JERSEY CITY! lol

then being w.myBAYbee that same night was dope =]

too bad i had my moms car, cuz i woulda def stayed the night.

there's no rush because i already made up my mind that i wanna spend the rest of my life w.YOU

LOVE [Loss Of Vaulable Energy] aint always COMPLiCATED...

never in a million years i thought i would be inLOVEagain.

but it was WORTH every minute to know that i am more happy w/you

&& thats the way i wanna keep it...

ended the night with my besties

soon we shall do it again

& i cant wait

BLAhhhhhhh where did the time go?

so my last blog was 8.31.09 smh that goes to show that i dont have time for anythin. lol

school. work. study. more school. more work. more studyin.

and it feels like i am getting NOWHERE!

ughhhh i wished everything would just slow down just a little.

i thought this weekend i would relax, but i have a psychology exam monday.

a paper due for english monday

and ive had the worst thursday 10.8.09 ever!

now i see why i just do me on campus, go to class/work/study

and dont associate myself with others especially in the sense of group work

i had to do a 5pg paper by myself because my "partner" never did anything to help.

ughhh talk about nerve wreckin.

so from 9.1.09 up until 10.10.09 i have been on the grind w/school minus the lil slackin here and there lol

to be continued...more to come

my journey is about to take place...

tomorrow, 9.1.09 i will embark on a new journey. a journey that i cannot let anyone or anything to bring me down. i have so many people to thank and to all those who have had something positive to keep me sane to make sure that i never gave up. it was prophesied to me that i will let go a lot of old things, including people who will try to bring me down in the next year. so my eyes are wide open to who's real and who's counterfeit. everyone isnt my friend. seein things from all perspectives now. people are plottin and just tryna wait for me to fail. but failure isnt final, but ferterlizer because i will become more of a beautiful creation than i already am. i just love the fact that i have a family that are always supportive and always supportin me through out everythin. i dont know where this year is gonna take me, but i know it will take me somewhere great. right now all im thinking about is school, work and my family. no need to say what about your boyfriend for you nosey people who have been ALL in my business LATELY with the rumors of me expecting and other bull. i guess its true when they say people will talk about you good or bad. i am so grateful to have REAL friends! and those who are fadin remember you will need me before i need you. watch how you will see a change. numbers have been deleted. aim screen names, letting go of childish things and movin on to BIGGER & BETTER THINGS.

bend but dont break

sometimes i sit in my room all by myself thinkin of ways to make the time fly.

waitin for brighter days as if i were still a lil child.

they say the older you get the more responsibilites you have.

my attitude is ambivalent. my mind is confused. my heart has so much love.

but there are days when i still have the blues.

i feel like an outcast cuz at times i can be a tad bit anti-social.

exaggeration procrastination and sarcasm is a must.

while i give grimey looks and the hostility builds up.

no one understands because i dont take the time to communicate.

jus keepin everythin bottled up while my mind, body and soul suffocates.

friends come and go. family members the same.

heart felt gratitude and still dont have anythin to conclude.
feels like im dyin inside. although blood is runnin through my veins.

so i smile although the pain still remains.

through trials and tribulations im still optimistic.

theres much pressure on this black girl to not be another statistic.

the one who is unemployed, pregnant & drops outta school.

but mommy definitely didnt raise no fool.

livin in a sheltered box, where my dreams are shattered.

this egotistical world where the white supremacy still occurs.

where the judicial system sucks, and amendments arent fulfilled.

where drugs and crime take over the city where i once lived.

but mentally my mind is in another place. on a hiatus far from my current status.

i have been through so much to not try to accomplish the goals ive set.

whether i fail many times, ima dust myself off and try again.

my words fly on paper as if im an eagle soarin high.

to express myself verbally helps, although i still cry.

sometimes i dont know where to turn, dont know what to do.

this life i have so many people try to have an analytical view.

but no one knows really what ive been through.
in my mind are vivid pictures, great imagery although my imagination fades.

bend but dont break is all i keep hearin mommy say.
but mommy cant see that she raised me the right

although i put a good fight. gotta make mommy proud is all i wanna do.

bend but dont break cuz i cant fail this time.

gotta lot to accomplish in this life of mine. bend but dont break cuz i gotta be strong.

jus tryna figure out where things all went wrong.

bend but dont break is all mommy say.

mommy ima bend but i promise i wont break.

[pe.es] "the proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right."---mark twain

family matters

over this past weekend, i had a chance of bein with my family. we only see each other like this once a year. thats right, youve guessed correctly...family reunion. during the memorial service of those who have passed before me ive realized how great it is to be apart of a legacy that will live on forever. my family is 8 generations and counting, beginning in the 1800s. god is so good, to have blessed my family up until this time.

i honestly dont think anyone has family like mine. we treat everyone the same even if they have ridiculed our name, have tossed us in the dirt. those who have back stabbed us on more than one occasion. but through it all, god sees and hears all.

family is so important to me. friends come and go, but family stays forever. even after those ancestors are long and gone. cherish every moment that you have. dont hold grudges, and try not to catch an attitude over things that you have no control over. and the things that you have control over, if you fail, or make a mistake, learn from that experience. we are only human. we are not perfect, but imperfect we are.

sometimes, we all take things for granted. but as im maturin, i realize that it is too late in the game to start actin like a lil child. i cant go back to my childish ways, because i left those days behind once i started college. i may slack here and there, but i plan on doin what i need to, to accomplish any goals that i have on my list to achieve. i am gonna be somebody.

[pe.es] reach one...teach one---anonymous

who is sloski? hmmm good question...

i know many of you who read my blog, asked "wtf is a sloski?" well, sloski is a name that my boyfriend gave me...but besides all of that...

S L O S K i

a miracle baby. born 3lbs 8ozs.
died 3 times at birth.

soul survior? i think so.

sagittarius. sociable. prone to change. flirtatious. honest. short tempered. misunderstood. blunt. straight forward.

a daughter. granddaughter. niece. sister. aunt. cousin. girlfriend. friend.

she's stubborn at times. goofy and loveable.

she hates bugs of just about any nature.

[spiders, bed bugs, beetles, centipedes, etc]

likes to smack lighting bugs. and enjoys lady bugs =]

she hates coca cola soda. pepsi is BETTER!

she loves oreo flavored ice cream, milkshakes, cakes, you name it.

she has an addiction to montelleone's cupcakes.

she loves caramel iced coffee from mcdonalds.

& slices of pizza from vincent's on a late night

prefers pizza hut over domino's
white castle's burgers steamed no onions or pickles w/sweet tea.

she enjoys flip flops in the summer over sneakers.
and shoes over sneakers when on a date.

hates makeup! only lip gloss.

she cannot swim although she took lessons.

her truck's name is jodi.

her ipod's name is jeff.

her boyfriend's name is locky.

full time college student.

pyschology/sociology major

bachelor and master degrees in progress

plan on doing forensic pyschology or a social worker.

maybe even a pyschologist.

started writing a book about her life.

she keeps her circle tight.

loves to sing. loves to party. loves to eat food.

sloski loves shrimp but refuses to eat it cuz her boyfriend is allergic.
has gotten better at bowling thanks to her wonderful boyfriend.

learned to not listen to what friends say even though they may be right.
its all about sloski and how she portrays things from her perspective.

wants to travel to puerto rico for her 21st birthday.
wants to go back to california soon.
scared to drive on the garden state parkway. yikes!

enjoys funnel cakes in the summer.

loves to cook but at times can be too lazy.

she can stay up all night watchin tv.

sleep until the afternoon if needed.

not go a day without eating some type of food.

she hasnt rode a bike in years.

doesnt walk to the corner store because she drives.

has a obsession with frooties [the candy]

enjoys poetry & reading.
an intellecutual woman but scared at times to show her wits.

has an attitude that he enjoys =]

has a smart mouth.
hates doin homework because its a waste.

loves to write essays.

a lot of "what if" & "hypothetically" questions.

hates anythin banana or strawberry flavored.

but makes some bangin banana puddin.

enjoys listenin to her oldest nephew sing and laugh.

and loves to see him dance =] get em get em lol
hates people who cant have an intellectual coversation with me.

hates people who cannot use vocabulary in the correct tense.

hates people who cannot drive w/traffic [does speed limit]

hates people who use words they cannot understand.

hates laced front wigs, spray on hair, chinese slippers & bruce leroy slippers.

loves old school movies

[last dragon, hollywood shuffle, meteor man, five heartbeats, etc.]

enjoys watchin hip hop harry [i have 2 nephews like duh.]

plans on learnin how to pop and lock before i turn old.

loves cinnamon pretzels from aunt anne's =]

overall, she lives in an egotistical world.

she's not conceited. just confident.

her priorities are straight.

her mind is right.

she has supportive family.

and she'll never give up.

too scared of failure.

the list can go on. but im sleepy.

oh yea...and she ran outta caramel iced coffee >=[

good thing mcdonalds is open 24 hrs! yay!

what matters to me the most...

it has been said that "one man's trash, is another man's treasure", yada yada yada right? yea that maybe all true. but have you ever thought about how grateful you are to have special people in your life?

those who stick by you throughout your WORST days?

those who are there to let you cry on their shoulder?

the ones who can tell you the right things to overcome or make a situation better?

i have many people in my life...

family. friends. associates. enemies. haters. frenemies. you name it...

but ive never been so grateful to have people in my life who mean the world to me.

i guess the reason for this blog is because of this quote that i read earlier...

"too often, we underestimate the power of a touch,

a smile, a kind word, a listenin ear, an honest compliment,

or the smallest act of carin,

all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

--leo buscaglia

mi familia

my mom is my everythin. if i lose her, i dont know where ill stand.

my father and i have our moments. but nothin like it was when i was younger.

[i guess you realize a lot when you mature & grow up]

my sister and i relationship has gotten a lot better. but she still irkes my nerves at times.

my brother is my everythin! i love and miss him sooooo much.

[if i could turn back the hands of time, i would, but god always has the bigger plan. it hurts me so much sometimes because your not here physically with me, but you will always be here in my heart, and my mind.]

my nephews are so ACTiVE but they keep me sane at times.

[they show me how much i wanna wait to have a child =p]

my grandparents, i love them to death. they are TRULY the backbone of my family.

my aunts and uncles are prayful and supportive.

i have a wonderful godmother whom i look up to. & a godbrother whom i love dearly & would do anything for.

mis amigos

tink & shake they have been with me since the beginning of high school and i love them. they keep me in my place when needed. and they have never let me down. [TST for life]

ricky can be a jerk at times, but he always keeps it REAL w/me no matter WHAT!

rah we are so much alike at times, we cant stand each other for long. lol

jeff we have been through so much, but you will always be mr. stinkah =]

& then there's myLOCKY

like said before, no one will ever know the bond we share. people may think one thing, but in our eyes, hearts and minds, we both know the truth.

words cannot express the way i feel about you or our relationship that we have sometimes. baby i love you from the depths of my heart. you have bought so much into my life and i appreciate everything...from the simple things, to the hujumboganic things. we will forever be [sloski&locky]

i think the music im listenin to has somewhat to do with this blog as well.

[slowJAMS are the best at a moment like this]

[pe.es] never wait until its too late to tell someone how they have impacted your life. or to even tell them how special they are to you. let them smell the roses while theyre still alive, because you never know when your last chance is to tell them.

sometimes my words need to speak more than my actions.

so im sittin here watchin michael jackson's memorial and tears are flowing down my face because jermaine just got finished singing. michael jackson touched a lot of people. they say death comes in threes...the old, the sick and the unexpected. and michael was the unexpected. i can go on and on, but thats another blog...today seemed like the worst day ever. there wasnt anything that was goin the way i planned. seemed like everythin was goin WRONG. & everythin did go wrong. from my actions, my words, even my facial expressions...

once again theres that friend you go to, and he/she will tell you something you think is right, but in reality its wrong...once again i listened to someone else's opinions instead of listening to my heart and mind. again i feel as though i failed not just as a girlfriend, but a friend before anything. seems like i fell straight on my face, and no one was there to break my fall.

no one is happy for me when im happy. but i give everyone else all the credit and praise when something goes right for them, and theyre happy. whats a girl to do?

ive learned to not give a flyin fig about what people have to say about the things in my life. if you cant be happy for me, and say something positive, dont say ish to me! dont speak about my relationship without [MEorHiM] around. mommy always said dont laugh at something that occurs in a friend's life because that might happen to you...

this has been goin on and im FED up with it.
no one understands the bond that we share.
no one will be there for you like i will.
no one will let me cry on their shoulder like you bay.
and no one can love you like i do.
i guess its official when they say those who hate on you are too afraid tell you that they admire you...

so with that being said...
anyone can be passionate. but it takes real lovers to be silly. -rose franken

you dont need no one else...

so i havent wrote a blog since 6.16.09...smh this is outrageous. there has been so much goin on. i guess ive been contemplating for so long that i wasnt even thinkin of writing a blog although i had so many damn emotions running inside and out of me.

as im sippin on this sprite soda & its this one song that i cant get out of my mind! lol i can smack my boyfriend for gettin me hooked. but this song is mad [b a n g i n] for once there is a song that [me&him] can both relate to by a "new artist". cuz some of these songs like [stanky leg] & halle berry & that dumb [RiCKY BOBBY] are jus merely a symbolization of hip hop at its lowest. yes music is a way of expression. but all you need now is a bangin hook & a stupid dance & u got yaself a r e c o r d [deal]! yay! whoopdy doo...

so as i was layin on my boyfriends bed monday around noon, he made me listen to this song "sooner than later" by drake. yes the same person who plays jimmy brooks on [d e g r a s s i] one of my favorite late night shows. but anywho, i was thinkin to myself, why does this nigga want me to listen to this song? lol so the song comes on, and the beat automatically pulls me in. as the song is playin and im listentin to the words, my eyes started to water & my heart fluttered with ambivalent feelings because i thought i was on the verge of losing it. just because me and him had a lil fall out doesnt mean ish. we're human, we disagree, but then we laugh about it afterwards & act like nothing ever happened lol. funny---yet, its true.

*note: i wanted to punch him for takin pics of me while drivin. but they came out cute so i dont care anymore*

i, the sloski can only speak for the things that i've been through. so when you tell me you understand, you dont. and when you say you feel my pain, you dont. & when you tell me u can relate, you cant. because you have not walked a day in my shoes. you have not fought the fights that i've encountered over my lifetime. you have not cried the many tears that i, the sloski have. and when you think you have came to a conclusion about something....i will tell you know now that anything that you try, you will FAiL.

[pe.es] it has been said that [h a t e r s] only hate the things that they cant get and the people they cant be. now [h a t e r s] wanna play hard. i wont pretend to be mad. ima just disregard you like my memory's bad =]

where do you stand? because i have his heart forever!

so it has already been stated that I, the sloski will never be replaced nor will i let any other female take my place. after a lil argument with my boyfriend, [and this kinda sorta bein our first REAL argument], ive decided to take a long time and think about what was bein put in front of me. why was i so upset? so angry? i wanted to smack him. i didnt want her around. so what happened? i forgave not only myself but for her actions. i figured i have to be the bigger person. and no one can be responsible for my actions and thoughts but me. although i love him dearly i still need mutual respect from his friends as well as my friends for the relationship that i have with him [myBOYFRiEND].

i felt as though that this situation had an opportunity to break up my happy home. that this chick had the opportunity to get what was ALL MINE! i aint gon front, cuz thats not what i do, but i was scared! i was so scared that i cried. I cried because just the thought of me and him not together hurts the heck outta me! so after finally comin to a conclusion of LETTIN ISH GO, and realizin where i stand, but also realizin THE LOVE <3 that we have for each other, i just let it all go out the window.

so this smile that you see in these pictures, dont let it fool you. if you try so much to even test my patience, i swear you will be in for a rude awakening. that goes for FEMALES & MALES. he is something that i dont ever wanna lose. this is someone who i truly truly care for and he will even tell you that ima crazy chick!

i will NOT ever in my life again feel the way i did, let alone cry the way i did all because of someone's stupidity and my jealousy for just a mere moment. i will not let ANYONE and i mean ANYONE try to ruin my relationship besides those 2 [me & him] in the relationship. & i highly doubt that that will even happen because we plan to ride until the wheels fall off =] btw all the rest of these other people dont matter to me.

&& to yall haters, i pay yall no mind, in fact ima give it to you one more time like...

I WILL ALWAYS BE HIS SLOSKI <3

[pe.es] "a winner makes commitment. a loser makes promises."

-anonymous

& baby i am committed to you. ily<3

should i leave? should i stay? should i go?

so ive been sittin here for about an hour tryna eat this lil behind cheeseburger from checkers. & drinkin this huge cup of fruit punch with a teeny tiny straw because they dont have any "normal" straws lol. but ive failed. i have a couple of bites left. and my mind is so disabled at this current moment that i dont even know what to think anymore. i dont want my emotions to get the best of me. but i love him so much that i dont wanna lose him over stupidity on my behalf. so whats left to do?

should i turn right? should i turn left? go straight ahead? or back all the way up from where i first found u?

my stomach is currently doin flips and turns. my mind is incarcerated, my heart is in p i e c e s and my body is n u m b.

so while talkin to my best friend [RiCKY] i bought myself back to sept. 26, '08 where i first knew this was right. see no one knows too much of where ive been and what ive been through to be in the place of comfort that i am currently in. but is it comfort when i dont even know how to retaliate? how to make my point without gettin him upset? so as im talkin to the best friend, ive realized that this boyfriend of mine has always been a friend to me. he has always been there for me, to comfort me, to console me, to make me laugh, to chill with and whatnot when my "boyfriend" at that time never had the opportunity to. so you can say i fell in love with him.

after finally givin into someone, i was happy with, more than content. probably more of an estatic feeling. because i had someone who i deserved, but more importantly he deserved me. as time progressed, we both realized that we were the [l i n k s] to each other's chains.

so why is it that i feel as though that i need to leave? that i might need to take a break from all of this? there arent any problems between us. but today something didnt jus feel right. movies with him was GREAT. but the emotional side of me came to par afterwards. jealous maybe? i have not a clue, although i do know where i S T A N D with him, i tend to fall off track. i shouldnt feel like this because its him who tells me he loves me. let alone when we're together female dogs get mad, and niggas seem to get more mad than the chicks. besides, it is him who cares for me. it is him that I gave up a hopeless, frustrating and annoying relationship for [myself as well] but it was HE who made me realize all that i deserved. in the words of my baby "you are mad emotional bay". lol

but you know what...im not gonna leave. im not gonna go. im not gonna back down.

i told him i would RIDE until the WHEELS FALL OFF, and that is what im gonna do.

people just wanna see us apart cuz we got that many haters.

baby, you are my everythin. you are my smiles, my laughter, my joy. you are even my screams when i yell at you just because you do act stupid at times. i love you for everythin that you are to me. you are my best friend, my boyfriend and someone i want to continue to grow with. baby you have always been there for me, and you have never been the one to turn ya back on me so im not gonna do it to you because of "some way" that i felt a little while ago. nothing is going to break us apart unless it is us two together. i dont know what this feeling is that i have, but i hope that it surpasses because i cant stand to feel this way knowing that i am yours and only yours. you will always be my baby no matter what goes on. although things may get a little hectic between us with my [attitudes & short tempers] i love you because you accept me whole heartedly as a person [f l a w s && a l l] but more importantly i love you because its not easy lovin someone like me =]

do you remember "i am in love with how i love u"?

your letter will always be close to my <3

[pe.es] We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. -anonymous

when will others realize that ive matured?

what im about to write, i find it interestin as ever. ive always been the type to forgive someone regardless of what they did to me. and if they were family, ive learned to love them from a [hujumboganic] super [d i s t a n c e] because there is so much i can take as a human being.

jus like everyone else S L O S K I has feelings as well =]

have u ever had that one person who u considered something so special in ya life? like theyre ya brother or sister from another? or maybe even ya cousin? and then they do somethin so damn drastic that u have no choice but to let them go? ive had so many people in and out my life. and not once as anyone had the nerve to say that they were sorry for what they did. but i was always the one apologizin and blamin myself for everythin when i know that any type of relationship whether friends, family, significant other consists of 2 people.

yes thats right i said 2. two. dos. deux.

i was always & i do mean always the type to be cool with everybody. even if we had an altercation, by the end of the week, we would be cool. but there are jus sometimes when we jus mature and we leave certain things alone. well in this situation, ive matured. i guess ive matured so much more than those who ive graduated high school with. but its cool i guess times have changed. in this case, i had the chance to mature more than him despite the fact that he went away to college.

so the scenario goes a lil suttin like this...hit it [lol]

there was this guy i considered suttin like a brother. i had known him since like 6th grade & we were cool. we had few arguments only cuz he used to take soooooo much ish out of proportion. but to make a long story short. ive matured, while he's still on his kiddie ish. so this morning like 1a or something, we were chillin at the waterfront [me, my locky, smoove, hotdog, stylez, & batman] just coolin.

*NOTE: i would definitely rather hang w/dudes cuz female DOGS run their mouths 2 much*

anyway....dude name is ALEX & he kept textin me. so i called him to tell him im busy, i would hit him later. he got mad as H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STiCKS & said "ever since u been messin wit this DREAD HEADED NiGGA, youve been actin different."

ARF??? WTF did this nigga jus say?

WTH does myLOCKY have to do with me actin the way i do? nothin has changed. if im BUSY then im BUSY. case closed right? WRONG!

this nigga alex had the audacity to say some bull like he dont give an EFF if im busy or not & then tol myLOCKY to SMD. Yes, thats right you guys, he told him to SUCK HIS DXCK. so i told that nigga, you are GAY as ever. nigga aint wanna hear it afterwards. like are you serious? youre 20 yrs old and STILL sayin SMD? to my knowledge this nigga have [GRANDE COJONES] via text msgs. but in person he's completely diff. not beat, but he got the WRONG GWALA =]

so where do i go after hearin some BULL like that? i do absoultely nothing because i do not need to STOOP down to his level to make my point, when i can clearly ignore him & that just "pisses" him off altogether. im assuming that alex clearly doesnt understand the true meaning of being busy, let alone the meaning of maturing? because i dont see what was so damn hard about saying "ok ima hit you back?" or even "aite, just hit me when you done." those answers would have been more appreciated than the attitude.

so i dont feed into anyone's bull unless its my own. i am on another effin l e v e l that most females cant even climb to. my demands are more g r e a t e r than those of your own. & i only roll with niggas who i know aint gonna leave me hanging. unlike most niggas ive graduated with, ive learned to let s h y t go because in the end, you prolly wont even matter to them. i am not the type to s u r r o u n d myself with stupid, arrogant, ignorant, & immature people.

i guess no one will understand that ive matured except for me----FOR NOW.

But until they realize that I am a changed person, i will keep myself distant from them. on that note...

"one of the reasons why mature people stop learning is that they become less and less willing to risk failure." -john w. gardner

[pe.es] some people were not meant to be in my d e s t i n y & you just have to accept it because i definitely did =]

true colors?

the saying "people will start to change once the summer hits," is kinda true. however, it doesn't take a season for a person to change. people change all the time, friends, family, whoever. but me personally, in the words of jay-z "i'll never change, im too stuck in my ways," applies to me in more ways than one. i was never the type to change for anyone, changin for myself is different. but to change in order to "be down" or things of that nature, never occured to me. so i sit here lookin at all the friends i've lost, all the people ive let go and learned to love them from a distance no matter how much they've hurt me in the past. i cannot try and be the "peacemaker' as much as before although sometimes it may help, but i've came to a conclusion that if a person in my life whom i love wants to leave. by all means, be my guest. but like mommy says, "that person will need you before you need them."